The world divides itself in two: people who “get” dogs and people who don’t. I don’t get people who don’t, but I know they’re out there. And, yes, when I turned up at a kids’ show last weekend with my baby Labrador swathed in pale blue terry, I knew it would raise a few eyebrows. Not just raise eyebrows. Roll eyeballs. But you know what, I didn’t care.

I’d spent the past couple of months designing the nursery, researching puppy preschools, and examining the nuances of natural diet. Meticulously planning Lila’s future with all the ambitions of an expectant mother. There was no way I was going to leave my nine-week-old chocolate baby at home alone! If anyone questioned me about her hangdog appearance, I’d simply say she takes after her father.